Poetry

        Smudge
 Sacred smoke to fill the well
 of despair
 I get smoking, the need to feel the boundary
 of my lungs and know
 the pit is not endless
 The way I can mitigate how deeply
 to inhale and the rate
 at which emotions will rise
 or numbly wait their turn
 To breathe all the way through
 is overwhelming what if there is no end
 to the sadness and the loss?

 Sage-so wisely named
 just touches the boundaries with a gentle wisp
 so I can see and be consoled
 “there is an end to this” it says
 “there is a limit”
 “You don't have to endure more than you can”

 But what if I want the limitless?
 What if joy and love and fulfillment
 are all about endlessness?
 Will the pain follow me
 like a faithful dog
 all the way?
 And even if it couldn't
 can I just abandon my companion
 at the edge of sadness as I
 cross over into joy?


                       ~~~
I feel you
just beyond the boundary
reaching to me or maybe just
witnessing or maybe
I'm making it up to justify how I feel

Maybe I am conjuring you up
because I lost my God
and I feel more exposed and alone
so desolate
maybe I need someone to care about me more
then I care about myself
and you always did

I have lost my way, my home, or it lost me
but either way I don't see it
I don't know what to do or how to be
or even who I am now

You gave me so much more than a sense of belonging
You gave me a reason to want to belong
                                   ~~~
                                                                              April 2020


                      
Paranoia
They may be coming for me
One day
To live out loud means to be seen
you could become a target
But until that moment
when they come to silence me
I'LL LIVE!

September 2019
*
Life is not a duckling line to be counted and re-called
These are just concentric circles in the pond that is my life
Be the pebble
Pebble in the pond
Even when I am alone
Which I am not
Ever
On the Earth
*
  September 2019


             All is Well

The water of compassion
trickling gently through the bedrock
                                                                of grief
the collapsed parts of soul
                                             hardened
against pain and loss
depressed and stuck like armor
around the beating heart of 
                                               renewal

Can't break or tear this
without causing more damage to self

Patience is 
allowing the waters of joy, forgiveness and compassion
                                                                                                  for self
to slowly break down
the protective skin
and nourish the new growth 
                                                 beneath

Stop picking at scabs
and trust that healing is taking place beneath them
That something new and fresh is emerging
That timing is what it needs to be
that nothing is lost or wasted
in this existence
That it is all a re-cycling 
of energy that has been here for eons 
and always will

Surrender, surrender
Allow, allow
All is wholeness 
if you take a wide enough perspective
                                                                  All is well.

                                                                          July 2019